I've Been Struggling

You may have noticed that I (Jen) have been a little more quiet than usual this year. Don't worry, overall I'm okay, I promise! I'm just dealing with a lot. After years of shoving my health, stress, anxiety, and personal issues aside while simultaneously not wanting to face hard truths in life, I have finally embraced this year as my year to put my health first. 

For me — an overachiever, people-pleaser, and someone who doesn't like to "whine" — probably one of the biggest steps to moving forward is the admission that I needed change and decided to do something about it. 

Late last summer, I had a major surgery — a hysterectomy. The aftermath of the surgery left me feeling all-the-feels. Happy for no more excrutiating pain from endometriosis and other health-related issues, sad for the fact that I will never give birth. My emotions seemed to swing from one extreme to the other, despite praying over and planning for this surgery for quite awhile.

What I didn't really expect at the time were feelings of inadequacy and a huge weight gain — fueling my insecurities and planting seeds of self-consciousness. Adding to that were the usual extreme ups-and-downs of running your own business. I had a total pity party that closed out 2024 on a less-than-stellar note. (It's SO easy to forget all of the happier moments, good times, and accomplishments when you are focusing on the bad and negative what-ifs.)

I Decided to Take Control

In December, I made the decision to do something about it. Since the first week in January, I have gotten back to intermittent fasting (big thanks to Gin Stephens and her book Delay, Don't Deny! It has been life-changing for Chris and me). Fasting was something that I had left by the wayside during the pandemic (and have felt horrible, health-wise, since). I also started daily workout classes on my exercise bike, slowly at first to build back my strength and stamina after my surgery. I have always HATED working out, but now have come to enjoy it. I am also using a vibration plate, and that has REALLY helped to loosen tight muscles such as in my surgical areas. It hurt so much at first but now I look forward to using the vibration plate every day. I have also begun to eat better. And, after a month-and-a-half, I am feeling so much better.

A Taboo Subject

Perhaps the biggest admission — and scariest — is that I have started attending weekly therapy sessions with a Christian counselor in my area to work through unresolved issues from both my present and past. My mental health through all of this has suffered so much and I desperately want to feel like myself again. I know it's a taboo subject in today's world to admit that you have mental health issues, but I also know that the stigma needs to be broken and there are so many people out there that can understand what I am going through. So, if you are that person, I can empathize with your struggles! It's incredibly hard!

Relinquishing Control to God

While I have been a Christian my entire life, throughout this season of life, I have been drawing closer to God. I have been making it a priority to read my Bible every morning and evening, listening to Christian podcasts, reading motivational books and my favorite part — doing couples devotionals with Chris every evening. Prayer has helped me so much as well, and I especially love a little prayer book that I picked up for in-the-moment prayers for Chris entitled The Power of a Praying Wife Book of Prayers by Stormie Omartion. And incredibly meaningful to me is the fact that Chris picked up the companion book for husbands to pray over their wives (The Power of a Praying Husband Book of Prayers).

Throughout everything that's been thrown at me lately, my faith has been my anchor every time I've started to spiral. Side note — if you're like me and in the throws of anxiety, may I recommend the book Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World by Max Lucado? I recently finished the audiobook and it was wonderful, and perhaps it will help calm you as well.

Dude, It’s Valentine’s Day, Jen — Why Are You Being Such a Downer?

Because throughout all of this is the fact that Chris has stood at my side the entire time. Ours is truly a love story for the ages — I mean seriously, we've been married for 21 years this September (our first wedding, but more on that later).

If you saw my post on social earlier this week, I promised to write the story of how we met.

How Chris and I Met

Technically, Chris and I met in our very first class on our very first day in college in the fall of 2000. The class was a drafting class — a prerequisite for majoring in hand-drawn animation. I remember rolling my eyes when this good-looking, and funny guy would come sliding in at the last minute before class started. I have always been one to arrive early and on-time, so I tend to get irrationally annoyed at those who skirt the rules.

Life happened, my freshman year was fun. I was away from home for the first time, had total freedom over my life, and most importantly, had my amazing best friends from high school that I went to college with. It was the early days of the internet — and AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) was the social media of our day.

I met and started dating an online guy from England coincidentally also named Chris. Before college, I had met him and his family when they came to the U.S. to visit a friend of mine from high school, so I guess I technically met him in-person before dating. We kept in touch and carried our relationship into the digital realm. I was in "love" (insert eye roll). So much so that I convinced one of my best friends to take a semester abroad in England the following year. So before you knew it, we were jet setting to a new country — two young women completely on their own. Studying at the University of Huddersfield in Yorkshire was one of the best times of my entire life. And, one of the worst.

It turns out the guy I thought I was "in love" with was actually a terrible person. I was cheated on, mentally abused, and yet I stayed in the relationship out of fear and lack of self-respect. It only ended when he dumped me. I came back to the U.S. after that semester feeling completely broken. If you're familiar with Bridget Jones' Diary (my favorite book and movie!), I jokingly say that movie was my life in England. I swore I’d never date again after that (haha!). I think many women can relate to that sense of resolution after a painful relationship, right?

Enter Chris

When I started the spring semester at college in 2002, I had several classes with a sweet and handsome guy named Chris. I could sense he had an interest in me when he looked for opportunities to speak to me or join in conversations I was having. The funniest part was that he thought I was British because I had picked up a Yorkshire accent while living abroad, and odd words, phrases, and pronunciations kept slipping out of my mouth all the time.

⇧ Photo of East Tennessee State University via their website.

At this point, I had no interest in guys whatsoever. Again, I was not looking to date ever again (hahahahaha) — let alone another guy named Chris! However, despite my attempts at brushing his advances off, he was a persistent little bugger. He finally wore me down and I invited him for lunch at my dorm — which was right next door to our main classroom building. I still wasn't interested in him, just being nice.

Then Something Changed

When Valentine's Day arrived, I had this strange urge to bake cupcakes and bring them to him at work. Work was at a local family-owned movie theater named Real to Reel in Johnson City, Tennessee where he was a projectionist. So, I enlisted the help of a friend and we went grocery shopping for supplies: cherry cupcake mix and cherry frosting. We baked them in the dorm's small kitchen and once they were cool enough, I begged my friend to be my moral support as I drove to the theater and hand-delivered them to him.

⇧ The old Real to Reel builiding. Photo by WJHL via their website.

When I got there and asked to see Chris, the owner looked at me up and down with a twinkle of amusement in her eyes. Chris was the kind-hearted soul of the place — quiet and shy, unfailingly kind, hardworking, and easily everyone’s favorite. She directed me to the stairs that went up to the projection area.

I was so nervous with each step I took toward the top — my legs trembling slightly. This was so far outside my comfort zone. Besides, I didn’t even have feelings for this guy… right? Okay, fine. Maybe a tiny crush was starting to form.

When I carefully pushed the door open, my heart nearly stopped. Sitting with Chris was a tall man who looked suspiciously like his dad. Mortified, I froze for a second. Thankfully, the man smiled, greeted me warmly, and quickly excused himself. Chris, on the other hand, looked stunned — somewhere between shock and excitement — when he saw me standing there.

I awkwardly handed him the plate of cupcakes, and he immediately ate one, saying it was delicious! What I didn’t know at the time? He hates anything cherry-flavored but powered through it just to spare my feelings. We talked for a few moments, and I excused myself as I knew he had to work.

Our First Actual Date

Not long after the Cupcake Experience, Chris asked me out on an actual date. At the time, A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe was all the rage, and I was excited to see it. A few days later, he picked me up, and we headed back to the same movie theater.

I thought it would be a fun, casual time out — but what happened next felt straight out of a Hollywood romantic comedy. As we walked into the theater, I realized it was completely empty. A private showing, just for us. Chris, ever the romantic, had planned the whole thing with his coworkers to create a moment that felt larger than life. For one magical moment, it was as if we were the stars of our own romantic movie. What a PERFECT first date.

As They Say, the Rest Is History

We dated for the rest of college, and even took most of our classes together — we were majoring in the same concentration after all.

We were officially married in the fall of 2004 — right after college graduation — but had a bigger, more beautiful wedding in the spring of 2005 (which means we get to celebrate our anniversary twice!). Over the years, we’ve weathered plenty of ups and downs, including spending a year-and-a-half apart due to a job situation on the opposite side of the country. We've been tested like no other, but no matter what, we’ve always stood by each other.

⇧ Chris and Jen enjoying a date at a Wrexham soccer game at Cosm in Dallas.

These past few months, though, have been some of the hardest of my life. It would be completely understandable for anyone to pull back under the weight of it all, and I wouldn’t have blamed Chris if he did. But instead, he’s remained steady and unwavering in his love for me. “In sickness and in health.” This is definitely the “in sickness” part of our wedding vows, and yet he lives out his love for me every single day.

Setting aside time for myself each day. It’s become a part of my healing, not just physically but mentally as well. Taking control of my health has been empowering, but it’s still a journey — one with ups, downs, and a lot of grace for myself along the way. Through it all, I thank God every single day for blessing me with Chris, my constant source of love and strength.

In Conclusion

Do you know someone who is struggling mentally or emotionally right now? Even the smallest act of love can make a huge impact. Sometimes it’s as simple as a kind word, a thoughtful gesture, or a meaningful gift — something to remind them they aren’t alone. Our designs were created with that in mind — a symbol of love, especially during life’s hardest moments. You never know how much hope you can bring with even the smallest act of kindness.